In Nigeria, there are three classes of people: The Masses, The Politicians, and The Rich. The masses are the puppets, the politicians the hand that controls the puppets and the rich the hand that controls the politicians. The politicians have the system totally rigged in their favour. They have made it compulsory for the masses to vote from a list selected by them knowing that as blind as the masses are, they may never realise they can actually have a choice.
In the upcoming presidential election, the masses have been given no choice but to choose between two candidates forced upon them by the politicians. What if Buhari and Goodluck Jonathan are not exactly what the masses want? Are we going to have recourse when they fail as they always do, to honour their promises?
There seems to be a spot in every Nigerian, a soft spot in our consciousness like the one in a baby’s head, which, if pressed or stroked in the right way, reduces us to giggling children with mouths full of candy. That spot is what I call a “Mumu Button.” And any person that finds and presses that mumu button in Nigerians is on the road to wealth and power. As a youth, my faith in this nation is disappearing like a fart in a wind storm. I have seen that even the most intelligent and educated Nigerians, when you press their mumu button, they turn into docile drooling puppy dogs, panting happily.
Obviously, every politician in this country understands this, but for some reason, the masses don’t. My mumu button has been pressed many times too, but unlike many people, mine has become calloused due to misuse and abuse. But since I realised what the politicians are, they can’t press my mumu button anymore. I see politicians as conmen, I see them like those Ebonyi State boys trying to sell fake wrist watches to me in traffic, I see them like pastors. They are always too eager to sell their plans and schemes, to convince us that their government will bring “change,” and if we support their candidates, we will be led out of the darkness into light. And somehow in every election, an amazing number of us fall for it. We keep buying the scam over and over.
With Buhari and Jonathan, we have again swallowed the same con hook, line, sinker, rod, reel, creel, boat, motor, and even the river, down our throats like a starving dog would gulp a piece of rotten meat without sniffing it first. Why does Buhari want to be president so badly? Who is really financing Goodluck Jonathan’s N21 billion campaign and at what cost to the nation if he gets reelected?
When will the masses pull their numbers on the streets and demand for the simple things of life? Are we ever going to stop rolling over our backs with our legs wide open like a prostitute waiting for her customer? With everything we see in the media, to be a successful politician depends on talk, or more precisely, smooth talk. The masses love smooth talk. It lulls us into some kind of euphoric state. With smooth talks, they have convinced most Nigerians that night is day, bad is good, and most recently, stealing is not the same as corruption.
It saddens me whenever I see a group of people arguing that Buhari is better suited for the presidency than Goodluck Jonathan or vise versa. Therein lies the con of all: can’t we see that both candidates are being financed by the same group of individuals? That’s right, the very same people. Whoever becomes the president on February 14 is still their choice.
The elections are nothing but theatrical productions to keep us distracted and pacified so we won’t revolt and demand better government. To some of you naive souls who are still under the spell of all the jangbajantis they taught you in school, let me explain what election truly is in Nigeria: the next president will only get into office by playing ball with the likes of the Dangotes and other power brokers, and by telling you and me what we want to hear. I have heard things like, his running mate is a pastor, he is holy and credible. My friend, by the time anybody gets to be presidential material, he’s been bought ten times over.